Five People Doris Never Slept With (And One Person she Did)
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chocolatetweedFive People Doris Never Slept With (And One Person she Did) (919 words) by 
OxfordTweed
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Doris Thatcher/Deskjob
Characters: Doris Thatcher, Danny Butterman, Nicholas Angel, Andrew Wainwright, Andy Cartwright, Tony Fisher, Deskjob
Summary: Doris isn't quite as promiscuous as she'd like to let on.
Friendly was an understatement, but there was no better word to describe how he acted towards her. The way he'd smile across the station whenever she walked into the room; genuinely happy to see her. She'd come in some mornings to find origami swans made of notebook paper, or funny doodles (torn from the same notebook) taped to her computer monitor. If ever, she wanted to just go out and have fun -- whether just to the pub, or to the cinema in Buford Abbey -- he'd drop whatever he was doing to go with her. He always walked her home. Always gave a friendly kiss on the cheek good night. They'd grown up together, and while they were certainly related somehow -- cousin's uncle's sister's mum's niece's nephew, or something equally convoluted -- Danny had always been like a brother to her.
She didn't even know he was married at first. It could have been the constant (bad) flirting, or that he never wore his wedding band, or that in over six months, he hadn't mentioned a missus once, but she'd managed to miss that detail all together. He was a few years older than her, but he seemed legitimately interested in her. Of course, being new to the force, and the only policewoman in town, she hesitated to make anything of the constant play; seemed safer to leave it at just that. And if they had gone and done something, and the chief had found out, there was no telling what might have happened. But six months after she started being an honest-to-goodness policewoman, he sulked into the station two hours late, kicking rubbish bins across the room. It wasn't until lunch that she spotted the band of silver on Andrew's left hand, which his right was near-constantly fidgeting with for the rest of the day.
Clueless didn't begin to describe it. He'd laugh at the jokes, but his eyes betrayed him; absolutely no idea what double entendre was happening. He probably didn't even know what the term meant. It didn't take long before she began making passes at him, if only just to watch his face turn bright red and his posture shift. It had soon become a sport to see how much he would endure her chest crammed up against his face as she reached across his desk to look for something that she knew all and well was simply not there. Sometimes, he'd ignore her. Other times, he'd jump up and all but run away. How the man could have a kid, and be that embarrassed about anything sexual was mind-boggling, but so was everything Tony said or did.
They graduated around the same time; she was a PC, he was a DC. They'd both requested to be stationed in the village where they'd grown up, but despite that, they didn't know much about one another. She was about ten years his senior, so while they may have recognized the other's name, they'd never actually met before academy. They'd talked at the pub a few nights after shift, and even entertained the idea of winding up at one of their flats, but for one reason or another, it never happened. He'd get distracted by one of the other officers, or she'd spot someone across the pub, and it would end there. Except for one night, when they'd actually left the front door together. On the walk up to her flat, that's when she learned that Andy was still a virgin, and she just couldn't do that.
He wasn't like the others. For one, he'd actually read "the book" that everyone else just joked about. He was athletic, smart, and could even be charming if he wanted to -- which didn't seem very often, truth be told. But get a few pints in him, and he'd actually loosen up. Even tell a few jokes. Not very good jokes, but jokes nonetheless. He ignored her flirting, and even let the innuendo around the station go unreprimanded after a while. Probably because he just ran out of boring tasks to make people do when they didn't follow protocol. She liked talking with him at the pub, though. He always had something of substance to say, and she was surprised when he offered to walk her home one evening. When they reached her doorstep, Nicholas sheepishly pulled a slip of paper from his pocket, secretly needing directions to the cottage he was finally set to move into the next morning.
She'd seen him round Sandford before. No one really seemed to know anything about him, other than he was from London, a sergeant, knew the new chief, and was in town about once a month for whatever reason. The days he was in town were always hell for the entire station. His presence made the chief edgy, who in turn took to doling out punishment for the smallest of infractions. After being made to chase the swan off the high street, she decided that it was time to finally chase the real nuisance out of town. She spotted him loitering around the fountain, looking at the bullet holes that would probably never be repaired, and decided that it was time someone finally did what everyone talked about. Of course, she'd never actually seen him up close. Or spoken with him. In fact, he really was quite charming. After twenty minutes of chatting by the fountain, she found herself up in Travis' hotel room, because it was, after all, closer than her flat was.
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Doris Thatcher/Deskjob
Characters: Doris Thatcher, Danny Butterman, Nicholas Angel, Andrew Wainwright, Andy Cartwright, Tony Fisher, Deskjob
Summary: Doris isn't quite as promiscuous as she'd like to let on.
Friendly was an understatement, but there was no better word to describe how he acted towards her. The way he'd smile across the station whenever she walked into the room; genuinely happy to see her. She'd come in some mornings to find origami swans made of notebook paper, or funny doodles (torn from the same notebook) taped to her computer monitor. If ever, she wanted to just go out and have fun -- whether just to the pub, or to the cinema in Buford Abbey -- he'd drop whatever he was doing to go with her. He always walked her home. Always gave a friendly kiss on the cheek good night. They'd grown up together, and while they were certainly related somehow -- cousin's uncle's sister's mum's niece's nephew, or something equally convoluted -- Danny had always been like a brother to her.
She didn't even know he was married at first. It could have been the constant (bad) flirting, or that he never wore his wedding band, or that in over six months, he hadn't mentioned a missus once, but she'd managed to miss that detail all together. He was a few years older than her, but he seemed legitimately interested in her. Of course, being new to the force, and the only policewoman in town, she hesitated to make anything of the constant play; seemed safer to leave it at just that. And if they had gone and done something, and the chief had found out, there was no telling what might have happened. But six months after she started being an honest-to-goodness policewoman, he sulked into the station two hours late, kicking rubbish bins across the room. It wasn't until lunch that she spotted the band of silver on Andrew's left hand, which his right was near-constantly fidgeting with for the rest of the day.
Clueless didn't begin to describe it. He'd laugh at the jokes, but his eyes betrayed him; absolutely no idea what double entendre was happening. He probably didn't even know what the term meant. It didn't take long before she began making passes at him, if only just to watch his face turn bright red and his posture shift. It had soon become a sport to see how much he would endure her chest crammed up against his face as she reached across his desk to look for something that she knew all and well was simply not there. Sometimes, he'd ignore her. Other times, he'd jump up and all but run away. How the man could have a kid, and be that embarrassed about anything sexual was mind-boggling, but so was everything Tony said or did.
They graduated around the same time; she was a PC, he was a DC. They'd both requested to be stationed in the village where they'd grown up, but despite that, they didn't know much about one another. She was about ten years his senior, so while they may have recognized the other's name, they'd never actually met before academy. They'd talked at the pub a few nights after shift, and even entertained the idea of winding up at one of their flats, but for one reason or another, it never happened. He'd get distracted by one of the other officers, or she'd spot someone across the pub, and it would end there. Except for one night, when they'd actually left the front door together. On the walk up to her flat, that's when she learned that Andy was still a virgin, and she just couldn't do that.
He wasn't like the others. For one, he'd actually read "the book" that everyone else just joked about. He was athletic, smart, and could even be charming if he wanted to -- which didn't seem very often, truth be told. But get a few pints in him, and he'd actually loosen up. Even tell a few jokes. Not very good jokes, but jokes nonetheless. He ignored her flirting, and even let the innuendo around the station go unreprimanded after a while. Probably because he just ran out of boring tasks to make people do when they didn't follow protocol. She liked talking with him at the pub, though. He always had something of substance to say, and she was surprised when he offered to walk her home one evening. When they reached her doorstep, Nicholas sheepishly pulled a slip of paper from his pocket, secretly needing directions to the cottage he was finally set to move into the next morning.
She'd seen him round Sandford before. No one really seemed to know anything about him, other than he was from London, a sergeant, knew the new chief, and was in town about once a month for whatever reason. The days he was in town were always hell for the entire station. His presence made the chief edgy, who in turn took to doling out punishment for the smallest of infractions. After being made to chase the swan off the high street, she decided that it was time to finally chase the real nuisance out of town. She spotted him loitering around the fountain, looking at the bullet holes that would probably never be repaired, and decided that it was time someone finally did what everyone talked about. Of course, she'd never actually seen him up close. Or spoken with him. In fact, he really was quite charming. After twenty minutes of chatting by the fountain, she found herself up in Travis' hotel room, because it was, after all, closer than her flat was.
